Kick off time.

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Pumpkin spice flavor everything is splashing up on a menu near you. Scarves, in all their cotton glory, are bursting to come out of hibernation. And another telltale fall kickoff has, well, kicked off. The white noise of the crowd, the faint sound of plays being called, and the commentary of the announcers play-by-play playback is the sound of autumn in my mind.

My understanding of the game has come far. Case and point – at my first live college game I asked my roommate (a certified football expert who can name every Heisman winner, like, ever) where the yellow line was. You know, the one that shows how far the ball has to go.

Apparently that line is only on TV. Mind blown.

Tiffany educated me well over the following few years (we like Peyton better than Eli) and I grew to love the Saturday soundtrack of games on TV – and the tailgaters camped in the lot behind our apartment building.

Kevin played football through middle school and high school (much to his parents dismay – they were certain it was a 8th grade phase that would pass) and he has coached on various levels since then. He adores the sport.

He, like Tiff, is a patient teacher. Each year he explains yet again what it means to be offsides and the intricacies of forward lateral passes. And what the tight end does exactly – I can never remember. Probably because I’m too busy giggling whenever anyone says ‘tight end.’

Now I follow the game pretty well and generally know what is going on, and sometimes I’ll say things like, “False start,” before the ref even blows the whistle, and Kevin will look at me with pride and adoration in his eyes.  And I think to myself, “Yeah, I’m a cool wife.”

But for the majority, my contributions to dialogue when we watch football are gems such as these:

(To the TV) Ooo, don’t hurt Peyton! (To Kevin) It should be against the rules for them to tackle Peyton. They should just just play touch.

Eww, his beard is gross.

He has grass stuck in his helmet! Why doesn’t he clean it out? Doesn’t it obstruct his view?

Let’s raise a kicker! (The kicker is always my favorite – games are won and lost by kickers – and it’s my dream to have a kicker son. Also, neither Kevin or I have the brawny build or height to really equip our offspring for any other position.)

Why would a player want to have such long hair?  It’ll just get pulled and caught in pileups.

Do you follow football?  If so, who is your team (college or pro)?  What’s your favorite sport to watch?

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12 thoughts on “Kick off time.

  1. Football definitely isn’t my favorite sport, but I do like watching it live. Watching our teens play on Friday nights or even going to games back in college (every rare now and then). The coolest was probably going to A Day for Alabama a couple of years ago. That was crazy cool! And if the Bears make it to the Superbowl then I’ll watch it with a little more investment. But that’s about it. However, when it comes to basketball… that’s my jam! ;)

    Ps. I totally wondered about that yellow line when I went to my first football game in college too. You aren’t the only one, ha!

  2. Football is the biggest mystery to me, I have no clue about any of the terms you just used. But I love your commentary – I can talk about long hair and gross beards!

  3. This is the funniest thing I’ve ever read. I really am proud of how far you’ve come. I also, now, wish I could listen to your thoughts as you’re watching a game, because it’s funny in there!

  4. I totally looked for the yellow line and all those tv only add ons my first football game. I swear my brother considered disowning me as I made a fool of my self! My mom and I always talk about their looks and uniforms. My dad and brother get terribly annoyed! We picked our superbowl winner based on our favorite uniform, and my brother had a fit! I am so with you girl!

  5. Ha! That’s hilarious you thought the yellow line was on the field too! But I can totally see someone thinking that… I’m a pro football fan. The Chicago Bears. Holler! My favorite sport to watch is… I like watching tennis. I know that’s probably super weird.

  6. Football season makes me realize that Minnesota is the most optimistic state. Every year we gather around the TV, arrange parties, and/or go to the games and firmly believe that this year the Vikings will have a great year. But alas, after a few games we have to accept the fact that Bud Grant and Fran Tarkenton have retired and again this isn’t going to be the year. However, this year we have Mike Zimmer, Adrian Peterson, Patterson, and Cassell! We’re finally going to get to the Super Bowl! Go Vikings!

  7. haha, this makes me giggle. my family didn’t watch sports when i was young (my dad was more about the news and my mom the theater), and my college didn’t really have a team, so i when i started dating the ultimate badger+packer football fan, i had some learning to do. i’m doing my best to catch-up, but my comments are usually a little more like yours — “did you know aaron rodgers’s girlfriend has a sister on the bachelorette??” wish you were up here to coach me!

  8. I think we have discussed this, but I think they should use a yellow rope elevated about a foot off the ground in the live games. It would add an element of interest ;)

    I’m still learning football. I spent the better part of Saturday watching college football. It appeals to me more than NFL, which I see as being way too coporate. (Or something.) I like the talented kids. Seriously, can you imagine what it’s like to be 20 years old in a stadium full of screaming fans? And to play like they aren’t there? Wow!

  9. I LOVE football!!!! :) I love the sport… AND the food that comes with it. ;) (And like you, I looked for the yellow line, when I attended my first live game. Ha, ha).

  10. Your football commentary sounds exactly like mine!! I have also come a long way in my football knowledge…I’m definitely not an expert, but I’ve stopped calling the uniforms “outfits”, so that’s a start! ;-)

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